Customer: I tried to get on the internet yesterday, and it didn’t work.
Librarian: okay, could you not log on to the computer? Was your card number not working?
Customer: No, I logged on but I couldn’t get the internet up.
Librarian: um, okay, have you tried it today? Is it still not working?
Customer: no, it’s fine now. It just didn’t work yesterday and I wanted to know why.
Librarian: I don’t know. Did you tell me yesterday?
Customer: no, I just left.
Librarian: Okay, well next time tell me and I can look into it when it happens.
Customer: you don’t know why it wasn’t working yesterday?
Customer: [gives a look like the librarian is an idiot] okay, thanks (walks off muttering)
Patron: Is “The Impeachment of Abraham Lincoln” by Stephen Carter written in “Old English”?
Patron: “What’s the Date?”
Librarian: “the 30th”
Patron: “what month?”
Patron: “what year?”
Patron: “all day?”
Customer: what is the URL for logging out of the wifi?
Librarian: it’s: (IP address given to customer)
Customer: hmm, server not found.
Librarian: did you log in on your iPad and now want to use the computer? Do you have your card? I can log you off on my end.
Customer: no, I use Chrome and the library uses Bing, which is inscrutable.
“Can I purchase an anesthetic wipe for the laptop?”
– An antiseptic wipe?
“I’m of the era of the card catalog, so I’m totally lost in the library.”
Okay, well, what are you looking for?
“I need to send a fax.”
Customer: “Why haven’t my holds been pulled yet?”
“when did you put them on hold?”
Customer: “Five minutes ago from the computer over there! They don’t get sent immediately?”
on the phone:
I don’t need the number for 911. I already have it…