Not even The Precious will help

Patron: “Do you have the movie “The 7 Hobbits of Battle”?

Librarian: Um, we have “The Hobbit: The Battle of the 5 Armies”. Is that what you’re looking for?

Patron: “No.”

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I can’t tell you why

Customer: I tried to get on the internet yesterday, and it didn’t work.

Librarian: okay, could you not log on to the computer? Was your card number not working?

Customer: No, I logged on but I couldn’t get the internet up.

Librarian: um, okay, have you tried it today? Is it still not working?

Customer: no, it’s fine now. It just didn’t work yesterday and I wanted to know why.

Librarian: I don’t know. Did you tell me yesterday?
Customer: no, I just left.

Librarian: Okay, well next time tell me and I can look into it when it happens.

Customer: you don’t know why it wasn’t working yesterday?

Librarian: no.

Customer: [gives a look like the librarian is an idiot] okay, thanks (walks off muttering)

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The Cuckoo’s Calling

Patron: Is “The Impeachment of Abraham Lincoln” by Stephen Carter written in “Old English”?

Patron: “What’s the Date?”

Librarian: “the 30th

Patron: “what month?”

Librarian: “September”

Patron: “what year?”

Librarian: “uh…2014”.

Patron: “all day?”


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URL= you are loco

Customer: what is the URL for logging out of the wifi?

Librarian: it’s: (IP address given to customer)
Customer: hmm, server not found.

Librarian: did you log in on your iPad and now want to use the computer? Do you have your card? I can log you off on my end.

Customer: no, I use Chrome and the library uses Bing, which is inscrutable.

Librarian: …

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What are you doing on our computers?

“Can I purchase an anesthetic wipe for the laptop?”

– An antiseptic wipe?

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Oldie but goodie

“I’m of the era of the card catalog, so I’m totally lost in the library.”
Okay, well, what are you looking for?
“I need to send a fax.”

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Patience is a virtue

Customer: “Why haven’t my holds been pulled yet?”

“when did you put them on hold?”

Customer: “Five minutes ago from the computer over there!  They don’t get sent immediately?”

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